You Are So Whipped
by Kalira of the flames
Summary: Shikamaru constantly complains about his father's house being ruled by his mother. Shikato is so whipped. He'd never let that happen to him.. ShikaIno
1. The Proposition and the Threat

**Summary**: Shikamaru constantly complains about his father's house being ruled by his mother. Shikato is so whipped. That'd never happen to him . . . ShikaIno

**Rating**: PG-13 (just in case )

**Note**: Seeing as how the "Rescue Sasuke" arc worked out I am going to tweak the Narutoverse a bit. Still after the Chuunin exam but it branches off from there. After the war but before Sasuke runs off to be bosom buddies with Orochimaru.

**Dedication**: A late Christmas present to Ellio. Because she said I could give her a ShikaIno fic instead of a KibaHina because my lazy muse wouldn't hit me over the head with any ideas for that pairing ; I'll probably get to it eventually.

Don't look at me that way.. I know its February. I just happen to have a problem with procrastination.

Anyway please leave a review on your way out.

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**:You Are So Whipped:  
Chapter 1: **The Proposition and the Threat

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_I've always believed life was about strategy. Move slowly and carefully and you'll catch all of the favorable outcomes. It's the way to get the life you always wanted. The cardinal rule: Avoid anything complicated._

_I had it all planned out. The average life. Become an average ninja with an average family. Move on to old age and eventual inevitable death. I didn't want to be anything special. I just wanted to get by and get on with it._

_It had worked pretty well up until now. But with life there's always that tiresome 'unpredictable'._

_The unpredictable always comes up to ruin a perfectly normal and relaxing day for me. I always need time to respond to it. I try to evade anything I can't predict like the plague._

_But then again if its unpredictable you can't predict when its going to show up, can you? It figured it would show up today. When I finally get some rest._

_Now how to respond . . ._

_If your unpredictable, hot-tempered blond team mate shows up at your door at an ungodly hour of the morning to 'girl talk' your ear off about Uchiha Sasuke (again), how do you tell her you really don't care and want to get back to bed before you really have to get up for training without her blowing up in your face?_

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"-so I want you to be the mastermind behind the operation." Noticing the blank look on the boy's face the blond kunoichi on his doorstep blew up. "Are you even listening to me, Shikamaru!"

Yamanaka Ino tossed her hair haughtily, though there wasn't much to toss, being that she had chopped most of it off during the Chuunin exam. It was probably one of those hasty decisions Shikamaru claimed she was always making. She hoped it hadn't lost its dramatic effect.

"I'm talking about very important LIFE stuff here! I don't know why I even bother with you!" Ino would've gone on about the virtue of listening to every single word that came out of her mouth but he would probably just tune her out again, and she really did need him for this to work.

The Nara boy wasn't really looking his best this morning. The usual deep shadows under his eyes were even darker if possible, his hair was sloppily tied up in its customary ponytail, and his clothes were hopelessly wrinkled, leading her to believe he'd slept in them. All in all he looked like he had just crawled out of bed, which he had assured her, though she hadn't been listening, he had.

After smacking him 'lightly' over the head to make sure she got the full attention she deserved she continued her one-sided conversation. "AS I WAS SAYING, I was walking across the bridge this morning. You know the one where Team 7 meets for training. Purely coincidentally of course. I was running some errands."

Shikamaru nodded to humor her. He didn't seem in the mood to be smacked again. The world was as it should be.

"And I was admiring how Sasuke-kun's hair catches the light from the sunrise JUST right." Ino sighed happily remembering the dreamy image. "His hair's always so perfect you know? I wonder if the blue highlights are natural. They go so great with his dark eyes . . ."

The Chuunin groaned inwardly. Once Ino got going about Sasuke it was near impossible to get her back on topic.

". . . And big-forehead-Sakura was hanging on him SHAMELESSLY. I mean they're team mates! They're not supposed to-"

"I'm going back to bed." Shikamaru started to close the door while backing into the house.

The blonde blocked the door with her foot and charged into the Naras' living room with all the force of nature that was her trademark.

"I was leading up to my point!" she informed him while poking him in the chest in annoyance. "That was when I got this BRILLIANT idea." She paused as if waiting for a drum roll while taking a seat on his couch.

Finding that she wouldn't get a real reaction out of him, she continued while he was still at least half-listening. She didn't have the patience to explain this a third time. "The Annual Summer Solstice Dance is coming up next month. I heard the village council was already planning it." Deep breath. "I need you to help me get Sasuke by then."

This did get a reaction. Both eyebrows reached his hairline. "You want me to what?"

Ino put on the best hopeful expression she could muster. It was a hare brained plan but it would work! "When I was little I swore to myself that I would be with my true love before the summer solstice this year." Maybe puppy dog eyes will work.

Shikamaru blinked at her for a couple of seconds. "Ino? We're thirteen."

She scowled. "I know that." Time to switch tactics. She batted her eyelashes and gave him a pitying look. "This really really REALLY means a lot to me! I promise I'll never ask anything of you for the rest of my life!"

He rolled his eyes. "That's what you said last time. And the time before that. And the time before that . . ."

"But I MEAN it this time! Please?"

She just HAD to use that face. Shikamaru sighed inwardly with the look of a man accepting his impending demise. ". .What do I have to do?"

Got him! "Nothing much . . ." She began carefully. Ino prided herself at being the queen of manipulation. She'd present a reasonable argument and he'd see reason or she'd make him. "All we have to do is convince Sakura- CHAN that I'm over Sasuke and our rivalry. She's really only after him because I am, of course. So if she thinks I'm off the game she'll go after someone who actually likes her. And then I'll move in for the prize. I'm actually doing her a favor, she never would've gotten Sasuke-kun anyway."

The lazy shinobi looked doubtful. "What did you need me for?"

A 100-watt smile. "You get to pose as my boyfriend!" The straightforward approach was sometimes best with lazy bastards.

His usually apathetic expression formed an incredulous one. "No, really. What's my job?"

"You're cute when you're flustered, Shika-kun."

Blanching at the nickname he quickly regained composure. "No. No way." Flat out.

Ino was not deterred. Shikamaru could be stubborn when he wanted but she had been prepared for this. "Its only for a month and you already agreed. I didn't think you were one to go back on your word."

"I'll make an exception for this." The boy gestured to the door. "Is that all you came for?"

_He's too damn stubborn! _The girl moved on to temperamental sulking. "All I asked you for was one teensy favor. If you won't do this for me I'll- I'll tell everyone you have a nylon fetish!"

Shikamaru looked blankly from Ino to his black, nylon, fishnet shirt. He had to have at least twelve in his closet. "I think they could've guessed that already."

_Dammit! _Shikamaru had to help. She didn't have anyone else she could ask/make do this! Of course she HAD to have this great idea when all the cute guys were out on missions. .

Ino desperately searched through the archives of her mind for blackmail material. For as long as she could remember her's, Shikamaru's, and Chouji's parents had been friends. And for that long the three had always been shoved somewhere together to go play while the adults had their get- togethers. There had to be something good . . .

And she found something. She hated to sink that low but Shikamaru had left her no choice. "I'll tell everyone about THAT time . . ."

He knew immediately what she was talking about and turned white despite himself. "You promised you wouldn't. Ever." It had been a long time ago, but that memory was still mortifying.

Ino let out a long suffering and obviously overdramatic sigh. "I'm being denied a lifetime of happiness. All I wanted was for my best friend-"

Slit-eyed look. "Sakura is your best friend."

-my best MALE friend to help me out. I trust him with my life and my body everyday. And he can't even look out for his team mate. To ensure that SHE is happy. The grumpy bastard only wants to drag everyone else into his dark cloud of miser-"

The boy groaned loudly. This was getting ridiculous. She had even summoned a couple of tears for her theatrics. He'd have to keep that in mind next time she was crying over something . . "Fine."

"Really! Thank you so much Shikamaru!" the girl shrieked in delight and hugged him jumping up and down excitedly as if she had never been on the verge of a breakdown.

Shikamaru looked visibly pained. "Its only for the month right?"

Pushing her out of his face he felt as if he had just sold his soul. "What's involved? Is Sakura the only one out of the loop or-?"

Ino put her finger on her chin in contemplation. She hadn't really though of that. "Actually Sakura's a good gossip. She'd probably hear about it if everyone else knew so . . the only way to be sure would be to fool everyone."

"EVERYONE? The whole town? Even our parents?" Yamanaka Inoshi was extremely hostile to anything male that moved near or around his precious daughter. It probably wouldn't matter that the guy had known him since before he was out of diapers.

"Yup. Not even Chouji should know about it. He has a pretty big mouth." Ino also had the sneaking suspicion that Asuma-sensei used him as a spy. They were awfully buddy-buddy and their teacher never seemed to run out of barbeque coupons.

Shikamaru was still having doubts. "There are too many variables to this plan. . Why am I doing this? Its a lot of effort just to get Uchiha to go to a dance with you."

The kunoichi only grinned. "Because you want people to keep respecting you and you care about my happiness somewhere deep inside." _Might as well pour it on thick. _"Besides which, you're the lucky one. You get to be on the arm of the sexiest ninja alive for 30 days!"

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After Ino left, Shikamaru crawled back into bed again, completely drained and his day hadn't even begun. But he didn't get back to sleep. The boy just stayed up pondering as the sun rose higher in the sky and he heard the sounds of his mother getting up to cook breakfast.

_Jeez . . . What have I gotten myself into? _


	2. Traitorous Spies

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**:You Are So Whipped:  
Chapter 2**: Spies

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Something was off, Chouji decided, as he habitually dug around in his pocket for a snack. The stars were out of alignment and Team 10's chemistry was out of whack.

Training in itself had been normal so far. Asuma-sensei had set them on drills again which wouldn't have been suspicious in itself but Shikamaru and Ino had been partnered up. Meaning Asuma would work with Chouji.

Even his teacher thought something was up.

"I want you to find out what's going on." Asuma supplied without pause when met with Chouji's questioning look as his teammates went to another end of the training ground to practice.

This was fine.

The boy looked around conspiratorially, it would do them no good if he was caught, before extending his hand for payment.

Asuma sighed. He had really hoped to save his trump card for another day. But they say desperate times. .

Chouji raised an eyebrow. "A coupon for ONE free meal at the 'Chicken Baketsu'? That's cheap."

"I was saving you from yourself." Asuma shrugged mentally since he had figured the chicken would work.

Chouji chuckled dryly; food was nothing to joke about. "What else do you have?"

Asuma was quick to cut another deal as he puffed on his cigarette. Being a jounin-sensei there wasn't anything really interesting to do besides tortur- training his students unless there was a mission. Observing his team was better than the soaps. He'd been through that addiction before. It wasn't pretty. Soon you'd start looking for drama in your everyday life. .

Being desperate for juicy details in the haze of boredom the summer heat brought with it Asuma said the one word he knew would get him what he wanted. "Barbecue."

Chouji brightened immediately and latched onto it. "As much as I want, tomorrow night."

"If and when you get any information. ." he sighed as he gave in. "You get as much as you want for dinner one night this week."

The genin stopped himself from an enthusiastic hop and settled for a wide grin. "I'll take the coupon now then."

The deal was sealed with a shake and Chouji was back in business mode. "So you noticed it too, huh?"

"Yup." Habitual puff. "They're scheming something again."

Another grin as Chouji finally grasped the candy bar he'd been searching around for. Why did cargo pants have to have so many pockets? ". .Or Ino's scheming something and she dragged Shikamaru into it." This theory seemed, to Chouji, to be the more likely of the two.

Shikamaru would never volunteer for any of Ino's 'missions'. But the Chuunin really was a pushover when it came to Ino. As Shikamaru's long time best friend Chouji felt it was his duty to look out for him to the best of his abilities, and if he got a few rewards on the side all the better right?

Chouji stuffed the coupon into one of his other pockets praying silently that he'd be able to find it in time for dinner. Chicken Baketsu's chicken wings truly were the best.

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"I knew it!" Ino yelled rather loudly in triumph before being silenced by Shikamaru. "-mmph."

"Quiet. You want them to hear us?"

Ino glared at the boy attached to the hand covering her mouth from where she was sitting in the bushes. She was tempted to bite him but then HE would be loud. He really was a baby when it came to that kind of stuff.

They had been sent a ways away from the training grounds again, which would've been the ideal time to plot her first move as a 'couple'. But when Ino was sent away it only meant one thing to her.

Asuma-sensei wanted to talk without her there to overhear and had sent Shikamaru with her to keep her calm. She glared at the scheming traitors harder. Her own team! They were supposed to be like family!

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Shikamaru let out a long suffering sigh. He had TRIED telling to tell Ino that this was a purely paranoid conclusion, since she had decided they should be paired up by herself. _But of course she never listens to a word I say. . Has to know everybody else' business. ._

Ino really was a baby about being kept out of the loop.

She finally convinced him (he didn't feel like listening to her whine anymore) and they had snuck back over and camouflaged themselves in some nearby bushes. He was usually impressed with her abilities as a ninja. . That was all over with the selection of this clever hiding place.

But at least it put them out of sight while they could silently hear what was being discussed. . . .Until Ino had blown their cover.

"What was that?" Chouji asked, looking in the general direction of the bushes.

Shikamaru gave Ino a look that had "brilliant" written all over it. She yanked his hand off of her mouth. "Shut up, Shikamaru." She hissed at him.

The chuunin supposed it was worth it in the end to know that Chouji was a leak to Asuma-sensei. How bothersome. Now he had to watch what he said around his friend if he didn't want his business all over town . . .

He was jolted out of his thoughts by the sound of footsteps moving in there direction. Someone coming.

Shikamaru finally released Ino and pointed to the south where the thicket they lay in thinned out and they could escape easily. "Ino." he whispered. "Lets go this wa-"

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Meanwhile Ino was panicking. Shikamaru thought too much. Did he even notice that their sensei was coming over?

_What am I gonna do? If he finds out we know about Chouji being a rat I won't be able to get back at them. _The thoughts of her sweet and bloody revenge fluttering out the proverbial window were her sole motivation for doing what she did next.

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Asuma hadn't imagined it. There had been a soft shocked 'oomph' from somewhere over in the bushes.

He crept over silently (one can never be too careful in a Hidden Village) and opened his senses. He definitely heard struggling. Wasting no time he deftly lifted away the branches, telling himself it was probably just a wild animal caught in the brush.

The Jounin took one look, blinked, looked once again to make sure and then silently wandered back into his third student's general direction. "I want my coupon back."

This left the other two in a very compromising position.

Ino had had an idea. Which seemed pretty good at the second she'd had it, and, as a creature of impulse, she had to follow through immediately.

Now that she thought about it, it had been a pretty stupid idea. Not that she would ever admit to that.

She had needed a ruse for their teacher to find them hiding in the bushes besides eavesdropping. And of course the first one she thought of had led to tackling Shikamaru and . . .

Ino frowned sulkily. Well it set up for 'The Plan' nicely.

Shikamaru was shell shocked and laid flat out on the ground where he'd been knocked over. "Uh. . You just. . ."

"Yeah." Ino tossed her hair in irritation. "Don't make a big deal out of it. You're supposed to be my boyfriend remember?"

Then (of course; life just LOVED Ino today) Chouji decided to come by and investigate what had taken away his free meal, and Ino did IT, again.

The boy found, what looked to be, his teammates making out in the poison ivy. He stared for a couple of seconds and followed the same path his sensei did; going back into the village. Did they HAVE to do that during training? Seeing something like that could scar him for the rest of his natural life. .

Ino immediately broke the second kiss and mentally cursed ninjas who were alert to their surroundings. Oh the sacrifices a sexy kunoichi, such as herself, had to make in order for a mission to work.

She nonchalantly got off of Shikamaru and began to redo her hair which had been messed up during her spying. Yes, the hardships of the ninja. .

"You did it again." He said flatly.

"Yes." She wasn't looking at him.

"Was that completely necessary?" Shikamaru made sure he had regained his composure before he sat up. He had been used to impulsive hugs since he had become a genin, even before then, you had to when you hung out with an excitable girl all the time, but this was a whole new territory. He frowned, cheeks a bit darker than usual.

She jerked a few strands back as she pulled her hair into the short neat ponytail the way she wore it for training. "I had to throw them off somehow."

He was scowling; he didn't like being taken by surprise. "You could've faked it or something . ."

"It couldn't have been that bad!" She shot back, annoyed that her sexiness and femininity was being put into question. "Its not like I WANTED to kiss you. I always imagined Sasuke would-" Ino's eyes took on the dreamy quality they got just before she launched into another daydream.

The chuunin got up. He really didn't care to hear this especially after what just happened. "I think training's over. ."

Maybe he'd be able to get a quick nap in. . Not that he'd be able to sleep with that stupid 'mission' he'd 'volunteered' for weighing on his mind. It would be difficult to pull off and he didn't think he'd be getting out of it anytime soon if Ino was ready to go to such lengths already. They hadn't even started yet.

The blonde looked up, finished with her hair. "Where are you going? We have to go to Ichiraku tonight and make our debut."

Huh? "What're you talking about?"

She stood up and finished brushing off her training uniform, she'd definitely have to go home and change. Hn . . What to wear on a date to a ramen stand? "Your treat. Pick me up at six, no later."

So Shikamaru was left staring at Ino's back after she had once again talked him into something without consulting him.

How many times did that make it this week?

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On that happy note I leave you. Please be kind and review.


	3. Meet the Parents

**Note: **This update would not have happened in all likelihood without the reviews of the fans of this story. Especially the two that reviewed this week MechaKeitaro and Hoshi Taki-bi. This chapter is dedicated to them for reviewing even when this story hadn't been updated in two years. I'll try to finish it this time. I fear the wrath of the army of cute bunnies.

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**:You Are So Whipped:  
Chapter 3: **Meet the Parents

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It was nearing dusk before Shikamaru finally left his house again to pick up Ino for their first date.

_Does that really sound as weird as it does in my head? _he wondered. _Trust her to pick the most unromantic spot in Konoha. _The ramen stand was a popular place with the genin in their year but hardly the place for a halfway decent guy to take a date even if team 7 was sure to be there.

His feet scuffed the pavement as he headed in the direction of the Yamanaka household. He could probably walk this route in his sleep if he felt like it. The well worn roads brought back countless memories of them, of he and his team, playing together as little kids.

After he had met Chouji for the first time, their fathers had gotten together and made a conscious agreement to keep the old team as close as possible. It had resulted in them being forced together for countless barbeques and family parties. He supposed he really hadn't minded all that much.

As a result, their team was truly in tune with one another and fought well as the second generation of InoShikaCho. Besides that he had to admit that without the constant presences of his friends, it'd be a little too quiet around the village.

Chouji was his best friend and Ino, in her own sadistic way, provided him with motivation. When did she get so manipulative anyway?

The boy trudged on, his hands thrust in his pockets. It had been difficult to get out of the house. His mother had confronted him before he could get out the door and asked him where he was going so late in the afternoon.

He really hadn't wanted to tell her, but as it would only be delaying the inevitable (and Ino's trademark embellishment would add a whole other set of problems) he blurted out the lie he and Ino had agreed to live with for the coming month.

"I'm taking Ino out tonight."

At this admission she had called his father into the room, fussing over him and asking questions while his father looked on smugly. Shikato was probably just glad he wasn't being called in to actually DO something but he congratulated him and clapped him on the back so hard he thought he was going to fall over.

It had been a big mess and another twenty minutes before he was let go set with several bouts of advice such as 'don't do anything I wouldn't do' and a wink. He had miserably replied that it was just dinner before skulking out of the house.

_Nothing is worth this. I should just call the whole thing off. . _But then again, he would still be suffering utter humiliation if she followed through on that threat of hers. He frowned deeply as he walked up the neat path to the Yamanaka's front door. Shikamaru couldn't win when it came to Yamanaka Ino.

He knocked once on the door before rocking back on the balls of his feet and idly looking around. It was a fairly small house, only a block from the business section of Konoha where the family's flower shop was located. It could've been a cramped space if left to itself for too long, but Ino made sure to clean the place up and down at least once a week. Mrs. Yamanaka had passed on during a mission when they were all still small. She didn't talk about it much but Ino had gone into domestic mode not soon after, determined to keep life as normal as possible for her and her father.

Shikamaru huffed in annoyance straining his ears for any noise inside the quiet house. Inoshi was usually out with high-ranking missions or drinking at a bar at this hour so he figured he wouldn't have to face yet ANOTHER parent tonight. Finally there a slight shuffling and a rustle before the door was thrust open.

Inoshi popped his head out of the opened door slit eyed and ready for a fight. "Come in you toad-faced little.. -Shikamaru?" He immediately loosened and straightened up. "Ino told me some snot nosed little hoodlum was going to take her out tonight. I thought you were him."

The highly energetic father of his highly energetic teammate jovially dragged him in by his shirt. "You want to help me show this guy what he's not going to do on their date tonight if he wants to wake up breathing in the morning?"

"Uh-" he replied intelligently.

"Come on kid. It'll be fun to watch the boy squirm." Shikamaru wondered if he'd already started drinking tonight. The fathers of Team 10 made a habit of drinking together recreationally as a way to unwind after missions and make their children wish they were related to someone else. One of the things that annoyed him about their comradery since its very embarrassing to have three drunken idiots at your first ninja skill test, or the chuunin finals, or anywhere out in public associated with you.

The boy wasn't given a chance to speak as Inoshi prattled on about his plans to turn whoever had dared ask his daughter out into being a gentleman who wouldn't even try to hold her hand on the first date. "If we're lucky he might not even come back for a second one." Inoshi cackled.

"DAD!" Ino flew down the stairs and yanked Shikamaru away from her father in a smooth motion. "What did I tell you about trying to scare my dates away?"

Shikamaru could tell the tone set the elder Yamanaka's teeth on edge. He could understand the feeling. "Sorry Pumpkin I-" His eyes widened in slow realization and a bit of betrayal. "Nara is your date?"

"Of course." She said in a superior voice. "Why else did you think he was here?" Ino grabbed Shikamaru's arm and placed it around her shoulders. "Don't we look cute together?"

The chuunin felt a sense of impending doom as he watched the wheels slowly turn in Inoshi's head. What he said next would affect the course of his relationship with his father's old friend. . Probably forever. "This. . is good."

_What? _Shikamaru stared incredulously. He was expecting the Yamanaka to try and see if he could fit Shikamaru's head through a wall instead of clapping him harder on the back than his father had.

"Umph-" He almost fell over. _By the time this is over I'll have cracked ribs._

"This is great! I know YOU wouldn't have the spine to try anything with my Ino." _Wait. What was that supposed to mean? _Shikamaru frowned. _Not that I would anyway but.. _"Even Shikato didn't start having sex until he was married. That worm!" Inoshi laughed good naturedly as Shikamaru made a face. First punching him in the back and then that visual?

"Ur. We should get going now. ."

"Fine. Have her back by eleven." The he smirked. "Actually have her out all night if you want to." Yamanaka Inoshi wheezed out laughing as Shikamaru dragged Ino to the door and out of the awkwardness of the living room.

He finally let go of her wrist as they came to the end of the path to the road. _Finally. . And this night hasn't even started yet._ "Shikamaru. ."

"What?" The Nara boy was still trying to get over the insults to his family and his pride.

"You haven't said anything about the way I look yet, idiot." Shikamaru raised his gaze to Ino's annoyed face, her arms crossed over her chest. She wore a pale yellow sundress with spaghetti straps that ended mid thigh. Her hair was up with a matching bun cap, a daisy tucked behind her ear and as usual her makeup was flawless.

"Well you look. . Nice." He smirked. _She needs compliments from me now?_

"Shikamaru. . Nice is how I look after a day of training in the hot sun. ." _Shit. Her tone is getting dangerous. _"Nice is a word you say to your grandmother after she gets back from the salon. . NICE does not cut it when you compliment your GIRLFRIEND on how she looks. It took me THREE HOURS to look like this! You should say I look like a summer princess!" With that said she flounced off ahead of him in an annoyed huff.

Shikamaru looked after her incredulously and looked down at his own clothing. He was just wearing his chuunin vest over a fishnet shirt like usual. Sure he had showered but were you really supposed to dress up for a date to a ramen stand? _I'm glad I'm not actually her boyfriend. . I don't think I could keep up with all this._

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That's it for now. Next chapter is "Our First Date"


	4. Our First Date

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**:You Are So Whipped:**

**Chapter 4**: Our First Date

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The ramen shop was lit up from the inside. It was a small restaurant and they had chosen it rather than Ichiraku to fit their whole gang. It had also started drizzling out making Team 7's favorite hangout inadmissible for their usual get-togethers. Most of the barstools were occupied by the ninja team but there were small two person tables in the corner. It was a cool night. All was silent as the group watched one of them stick his head into the bowl of ramen he had just received and inhale.

_They think its amazing every time. _Kakashi smirked underneath his mask as he watched Naruto absorb his fifth bowl of ramen. Iruka, whom he had conned into treating them after stating that Naruto had almost let go of the demon fox and they could have all been mangled horribly, was frantically counting all the bowls his favorite ex-students had already consumed and there looked to be no end in sight.

Sakura waited until Naruto came up for air and rolled her eyes. "You eat like some starving child. You know if you keep doing that you'll look like Akimichi Chouji?" She puffed out her cheeks at him.

Naruto merely stuck his tongue out at her and ordered another bowl from their ecstatic server. "Nyeee. ."

Sakura scowled at him before looking to both of her teachers. But Iruka was too busy crying over his poor wallet and Kakashi gloating over his Icha Icha Paradise book. So she went to the last available person. "Sasuke-kuuun Tell Naruto to stop acting like a pig."

Sasuke gave her an almost annoyed look and continued eating his already cooling soup. "Let him do what he wants. He was more useful than you were on this mission."

Her jaw dropped slightly and she gave him a hurt look but obediently went back to her meal. But it was too late. The beast had already been released.

"HEY! Be kinder to Sakura-chan, asshole!" Naruto yelled, ignoring the fact that Sasuke had spoken in defense of him, as he hopped in front of Sasuke's barstool. The Uchiha ignored him and seemed determined to ignore everyone else's presence all night.

Iruka immediately went into teacher mode. "If you all can't get along and enjoy your dinner you're paying for yourselves!"

Kakashi quietly canceled his order of extra gyoza to go with his beer.

"And you didn't even dress up! Don't you think I'm WORTH putting in extra effort for!"

"Ino. . Why would I dress up to go to a ramen shop? We never do that to go to Korean barbeque. . That place is actually nicer."

The inhabitants of the shop all turned to stare at what was approaching them from down the street. . with linking hands. . And making an even louder ruckus than they had been a moment ago.

"It doesn't matter. I'm supposed to be your girlfriend now. ." The tone grew a little upset. "I was under the impression you'd be a more chivalrous date you now?"

Shikamaru came into closer view awkwardly holding Ino's hand and sighed. "You're just angry that they weren't at the first place."

Even Kakashi was surprised at this one.

"Ino-pig is going out with Nara Shikamaru? NARA SHIKAMARU! She swore she'd never even look at him that way!" Sakura scrambled to the window as they headed straight for their restaurant. "NO WAY!" She screeched, staring.

Iruka was right behind her while the other three boys decided to get over it with a mental shrug. "You're right. I always thought Shikamaru could have had a thing for her but I never though Ino'd even consider him."

"I expected it." Kakashi commented boredly from behind his book.

Sakura looked determined. _I hope they're coming in. I have to grill her. Is she REALLY giving up Sasuke-kun? _When the couple got closer Sakura and Iruka dove for their seats and sat down hurriedly as if they were little kids caught with a candy bar they weren't supposed to have. _Got to look casual._

Ino continued her one sided argument with Shikamaru into the restaurant. "-Oh! What are you guys doing here?" She smiled which looked more like a smirk when she saw all of Team 7 there. Even Sasuke who still looked like this was the last place he wanted to be with all the unnecessary commotion. She let go of Shikamaru's hand and floated over to the table closest to the bar stool where her stoic hero sat. Shikamaru followed.

Sakura immediately pulled a chair up to their table. "Ino. Are you serious? Did you guys really-?"

Shikamaru decided he really wanted to stay out of their conversation. _I should be getting paid for this. . Not paying for it. _

"Serious about what?" Ino smiled innocently. "Oh. About Shikamaru? I'm surprised you hadn't heard." She blushed a little, starry eyed, and grabbed his hand again. "We're not very serious yet but. . We probably will be really soon." The Nara boy looked decidedly grumpier.

"No way!" Sakura screeched again. Even Naruto winced this time and he wasn't even close to the range Shikamaru was at. Iruka decided he'd grill Sakura later about what was going on with his students. It'd probably be inappropriate to shoot questions at them like she was doing even if he really wanted to.

Sakura looked to Shikamaru and then back to the teammate she was in love with. She conspiratorially whispered into Ino's ear without bothering to be quiet about it. "So you wouldn't mind if I asked Sasuke out? Not even a little?" Shikamaru rolled his eyes as Ino visibly twitched. The blonde's smile looked strained.

"Of course not. I'm with Shikamaru now." Ino smiled congenially and clung to his arm over the table.

The wheels turned slowly in Sakura's head and she looked back at Sasuke who was finishing his dinner and ignoring the fact that his female teammate and her absolutely insane best friend were haggling over him again like some toy they couldn't share.

At this point Naruto popped over with his stool pulled it up to the table. He grinned cheekily at Shikamaru. "Wow. So ya finally asked her out, huh?"

"Uh. . Finally? What are you talking about?" Ino subtly elbowed him in the ribs. "Unf- I mean yeah."

Naruto leaned over in his stool still with that annoying grin on his face. "No offense but the other guys thought you'd never have the guts to. Being a Nara and all!"

"None taken." Why were people so against the Naras all of the sudden?

"Well if Ino said yes to YOU then maybe. ." The fox boy moved closer to Sakura on his stool.

". . ." Sakura stopped her chattering with Ino for a moment to regard him. ". .What?"

"Sakura-chaaaaan, will you go out with me?"

Her annoyed glance didn't change as she punched him off of his stool. "No."

Naruto whined. "We could double date with them!"

"No." She kicked him in the head for good measure as Shikamaru and Ino watched. Even though it would help Ino's case she was kind of glad she wouldn't be stuck with Naruto for an evening. She had a very low tolerance with him and she already had to drag Shikamaru's dead weight around.

Meanwhile Kakashi stood. "This has all been very amusing but its time for the television premiere of Icha Icha Paradise the Movie sponsored by Kodak. My team meet me at six at the bridge tomorrow for training." He feigned a yawn and sauntered out casually.

Iruka blinked since he had been enjoying the drama and then saw the empty drinks and plates the masked nin had left behind. _When did he have the time to consume all those? Without anyone SEEING? _He dumped some money on the table and sprinted after him. "KAKASHIII! I NEVER OFFERED TO PAY FOR _YOUR _DRINKS!"

Sasuke quietly stood and started to leave too while everyone was distracted by this scene. Ino noticed first. "Ah- Sasuke-kun! Where are you going? We just got here!"

Sakura immediately got up and parroted her childhood pal. "Sasuke-kun! You can't go yet. They just got here!"

Sasuke gave a hint of a shrug. "They're not my friends. I have more important things to do than listen to gossip. ."

Shikamaru frowned slightly. _I don't think I ever liked him._ . Ino stood up to follow Sakura, her little yellow dress floofing around her flatteringly.

Ino gave the Uchiha her best baby blue stare. "Please stay, Sasuke. We'll order some party platters. My treat." Shikamaru could see her resisting the urge to cling to him like usual the way Sakura was.

Naruto sat up, seemingly back from the dead. "I'm in!"

Sasuke half turned and looked Ino straight in the eye as he brushed Sakura off as easily as she had brushed off Naruto. "I hate repeating myself. ." Then he continued off into the dark street.

Sakura pouted and then looked to Ino, ready to dash out after him. "Sorry Ino. Looks like I'll pass too. I've got. . Things to do. Got to practice before tomorrow's training. Um. . Congratulations." She didn't seem to mean it as she ran off.

"I'm still in!" Naruto sat there clueless as ever as Ino stared off to where her best friend and biggest crush had gone.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "We'll probably have a party later this week at the Yakiniku-Q. Join us then." He said tactfully. "We're going to be going too now." _Since the two subjects of this 'mission' just ran out the door. . _He finally stood and put his arm around Ino's shoulder like he figured a boyfriend would and walked her outside. Leaving Naruto at their table by himself.

**l o l o l**

Yamanaka Ino let herself be led out into the damp night and along the streets. Everything was all wrong! The plan hadn't worked like she thought at all. Sasuke hadn't even glanced at her except to tell her that she didn't matter. Shikamaru was being an idiot like usual and Sakura didn't even seem remotely interested in giving up Sasuke.

_It seemed like such a foolproof plan. . I can't believe I was so stupid. . Of course no one would be jealous over Shikamaru. Was it that we weren't convincing enough as a couple? _She looked at the ground as she latched onto the only available target besides herself. _This wouldn't have happened if he tried harder. It's like I'm doing this by myself. _She also hated when she got her hair wet. It was already frizzing out.

Shikamaru glanced down at her knowing it was only a matter of time before she switched gears and turned on him. It had been like this since they were kids. He was the only one she felt comfortable relying on and blaming everything on and he let her. He was her permanent scapegoat.

Although he never really complained it was pretty troublesome and annoying when she did. Like saying he ate all her mother's fresh baked cookies when they were five, and that he made her fall and rip her nylons, that it was stupid Shikamaru's fault she didn't get teamed up with Sasuke.

But today. . he didn't really mind. After seeing the look on her face when Sasuke shot her down cold he probably wouldn't mind if she decided to smack him across the face. But she didn't.

"Ino."

She gave him a scary look. Probably in no mood to talk but wallowing in self pity wasn't something he could allow THE Yamanaka Ino to do. _He _was supposed to be the depressed annoyed one.

Shikamaru started leading her to another popular restaurant on the street. "It's still dinnertime. I'm hungry. And I bothered to bring out some money for this little excursion. So we're going to dinner."

The tone in his voice had her looking up at him. _He can't order me around! _"What?"

He knew exactly how to catch her. "It's your favorite Indian food place. ."

"n- Fine. But I want two different types of curry with my naan." She demanded crankily, crossing her arms over her chest. "And you're still paying."

If there was something Team 10 was best at it was sitting down for some recreation at a restaurant. They had all the places in Konoha wired. They knew where the best tables were and how to get their favorite servers every time.

Shikamaru got their favorite booth by the window and they sat down. After they had ordered their drinks Ino still didn't volunteer anything about what she was thinking. This was troubling. .

Finally Shikamaru sighed. _So I have to be the one to initiate conversation tonight, huh? _"What's your next plan of action, Ino?"

"What plan? There is no plan now." She frowned. Sasuke's cold look replaying in her mind. _He might have been in a bad mood. . But he wouldn't treat anyone he even remotely cared about like that. _"It's off."

"The whole thing?" Shikamaru blinked. "Ino. We were barely a couple for an hour. We already told our parents."

She shrugged.

"This wasn't my idea and it's troublesome to continue it but we just made a big production out of it. You're just gonna break it off?" He stared at her waiting for an explanation.

"That's what I said. Now stop complaining already. I'm sick of you complaining."

Their naan and curry arrived and Shikamaru was silent for awhile. Thinking. "You liked him even before we started at the academy. You usually aren't one to give up so easily. You got a response out of Sakura," he offered.

"And then she ran off to go be with him." Ino rolled her eyes. That girl was way too desperate to get a catch like him.

"But he shot her down the exact same way he did to you." He caught himself and amended. "I mean. . She has more time than you ever will with him and she hasn't made any progress. I doubt they ran off together."

Ino looked up from diligently attending to her meal. She, despite being a girl, was as good at consuming food as the rest of their team. That's why she as their self proclaimed team leader never begrudged them a snack time.

"We weren't really acting out the happy couple plan to a full advantage either. . The two of you were more interested in Sasuke." He took a sip of his drink.

Ino looked interested and brightened a little. It seemed like Shikamaru had a point, so she waited for him to continue. "If you want to lure her away from Sasuke so that you can move in on him you should place her with an appropriate date. Away from a place where Sasuke is so neither of you will be distracted by him. Then she might go for the guy you choose in order to be happy as a couple with someone instead of chasing after someone who doesn't want her."

She thought this plan over slowly. "I knew I kept you around for some reason." He rolled his eyes. "But there's a little problem with that idea. No offense but you're not anyone anybody in their right mind would be jealous of."

"None taken." Shikamaru muttered said out of habit. He gave her an annoyed look. _After all that effort to cheer her up. _

"I can still use you." She smirked as she played with her straw between her teeth. "But I need to get you to agree to another favor first."

". .What is it?" He had learned after the last time not to agree to anything without knowing what it was first.

"You'll see." Ino smiled innocently again. Shikamaru had no idea what was in store for him. _It was nice of him to get me fired up about the plan again. But unfortunately his torture will be necessary and integral for this plan to work. _"Meet me at my house tomorrow after training." She sprang up from the table, leaving her half eaten meal. A girl needed time to get things ready.

"Okay. ." Shikamaru ended up staring at her back again, stuck with the bill of her half eaten food. He mentally shrugged. _I brought this one on myself._

Ino turned back to him for a second and gave him a gorgeous smile. "Thanks."

"What?" He almost thought he hadn't heard her right.

"For not letting me give up on him." It twisted into a smirk as she put her hands on her hips. "Now aren't you supposed to walk the lady home?"

The Nara boy frowned at his unfinished food, took out the money he thought would cover the bill and got up from his seat. "You could have waited until we were done."

"I was done." She gleefully grabbed his arm hard enough to pull it out of its socket and dragged him out of the restaurant. Sometimes he wondered if she got her kicks torturing him.

**l o l o l o l o l**

**Post Script**: I know there wasn't very much fluff in this chapter but it needed to be posted. I'll be without internet access for a few days. I promise more fluff shall come later but for now I hope the comic stuff was satisfying. The next chapter, interestingly enough, is called "Boyfriendification".


	5. Boyfriendification

**l o l o l o l o l o l o l o l o l**

**:You Are So Whipped:  
Chapter 5: **Boyfriendification

**l o l o l o l o l o l o l o l o l**

Ino's smile was twisted and she rubbed her hands together slowly. She twirled her favorite knife in her fingers, her helpless victim restrained underneath her. The smirk turned malicious as the knife came down. "Make your peace and say your last words."

The first lock of black hair hit the floor.

Shikamaru couldn't help looking down at it sadly. He liked his hair. It was easy to get out of his way and he never had to do anything to it. His bouncy teammate hadn't even promised he'd be able to keep tying it back.

His head was suddenly jerked up.

"Hey! You want me to slit your throat by accident?" _No. You'll probably do it on purpose some day, _Shikamaru thought with the sullen frown still planted on his face"Stay still and stop sulking like a baby. It's just hair."

_Easy for her to say since she cut all hers off for a personal statement.. _The Chuunin let her jerk his head around but looked straight ahead. It could only get worse from here. "Does this mean we'll be sharing bun caps?" Not a wise move to tease Ino but he was cranky and it was affecting his decision making.

"Ha ha. Remember I've got the knife here." Ino replied sweetly, her razor sharp blade smoothing through his hair like silk. "You'll love me even more when you see what I have created."

He prayed to every god he knew that it wasn't like the time when they were six and she got bored while they were outside the bar waiting for their dads. The elastics and ribbons she put in his hair had gotten so knotted his mom had to cut them out.

He sighed again. He had gone straight home to shower from training and then to Ino's as instructed. She had strapped him down immediately and Shikamaru knew he had sold his soul to the kunoichi. _She's deriving so much pleasure from this. Maybe she was just looking for an excuse to get me into her clutches… No. Just a bonus._

Almost as quickly as he was pushed down into the chair he was thrust out of it. Ino grabbed his arm and pulled him upstairs from the sunlit kitchen into her bedroom. "Now for wardrobe!"

"Should I be up here? Since we're dating and all now..."

"Doesn't matter. Daddy's not home." She grinned at him. "No need to be scared. Anyway he knows you won't try anything. I bet he'd even let you sleep over," she added teasingly.

_Why does everyone decide to insult my masculinity..? Why do I even care? _The boy sighed and sat down on her bed, noticing all the mirrors (and she had a lot of them) were covered. "Do I want to ask?"

"No!" She still had that chipper note in her voice that completely contrasted with the way she had acted the night before. Maybe it was worth his pain and humiliation to wipe that unnatural deflated look off her face. "Don't worry. You can look at yourself before we leave."

_Leave. Leaving… After this.. No no no. _"Ino.." He tried to keep patience in his voice. "We just had vigorous training for the mission coming up... I didn't get to rest afterwards. I had... plans." Lie.

"Lie. You just wanted to go back to bed."

The Chuunin grimaced. "Is there anything wrong with that?"

Ino had apparently decided to ignore that and continue the conversation herself. "Everything's all set up. We just need to go there. In style." She grinned and she looked kind of cute when she did since she was so proud of herself. He tried to stay irritated.

"Now put these on and we can get going!" His vision was obscured by a large quantity of fabric as he heard the girl flounce out happily. "I'll be primping in the bathroom! Go downstairs when you're done."

** o o o **

Shikamaru ended up taking longer than Ino did. She had wanted to make her own entrance in all her glory down the stairwell for him to admire and get into boyfriend mode. She still had to coach him on the way even if he had the look down.

_The cut didn't look bad. But I have to see it altogether. _She had spent her own money on the clothes he was going to be sporting too. _He'll have to pay me back. _She thought distractedly, conveniently forgetting that all of this was for her benefit. Despite the cost she had been thrilled by getting to make up Shikamaru like she'd wanted to do since he'd been a scruffy little boy.

_All those years looking like that. I should have rescued him earlier._ She rolled her eyes heavenward. _What's taking him so long anyway?_ "Shikamaru!" Ino started pounding on the wall. "Get your lazy ass down here!"

There was no response from upstairs.

"Before I count to ten, idiot! I mean NOW!" Finally she heard a heavy sigh as she tapped her foot and heard the familiar shuffle coming towards the stairwell.

Her mouth opened soundlessly as a stranger came down the stairs.

His dark hair was still long but there were shorter strands in the front coming down to compliment his face. The newest men's style from the best department store in Konoha completed his sharp new look nicely. Soft dark leather with straps and belts, over a dark shirt. No fishnets. Maybe she'd let him have them back eventually. They were really in style still. But it would be HER way.

The changes were subtle. But damn she was good.

Shikamaru stood in front of the stairs, looking a little awkward and fidgety at her hot gaze on him.

"I am so _good._" Ino placed her hands on her hips and reexamined him critically. "You put your hair back up…" A disapproving cluck. "…But with my brilliance it doesn't look bad."

He came back to the present long enough to roll his eyes. Now he was her new dress up doll and he knew it.

"Stop slouching and looking unhappy! You're with ME! The prettiest AND most talented kunoichi in the village. You should look smug and put your arms around me." Ino was wearing her own new dress today as well. A little spruced up for where they were meeting Sakura but good for making a lasting impression.

The silky material of her short purple mini dress brushed against his arm and he stiffened up when she dragged it around her shoulders. "There." She tugged him towards the mirror hanging over the couch in the living room to look at the pair of them.

She had to admit they didn't look as horribly together as she imagined. And Shikamaru wasn't frowning anymore. He usually had three expressions: sulky, apathetic, and unreadable. This was none of the above...

He looked… nervous?

Ridiculous. Around her? She grinned at their reflection again, dismissing the thought. "Now comes the hard part… Training."

"Training?" The apathetic sarcastic look was back. "I'm not a dog, Ino."

"Of course." The malicious evil expression formed on her own face. "You're mine now."


End file.
